This EQ thing in Singapore really struck me this morning as I listen to the feedback in Tampines with MP Irene Ng on cyclist using footpaths.

This was exactly what you are talking about, unless we move to a more gracious and perhaps more forgiving and a balanced society , the population in general will find life a drag to live here.

To my observations people here in general have become more like robots, devoit of feelings and graciousness as a society. The balance I think too should be more towards the graciousness aspect and then we can say we have evolved as a country at that level of existence. My fear is this, if the economic aspect collapses or even if the political entity collapses we as a society cannot fall back on this “soft skills” to pull us thru adversity. It might be everyone for themselves.

I refuse to let myself be part of this rot, I dare say by being a volunteer in some organisations and be a more gracious person with an optimistic view of life.

Yes I fully agree with you and have been thinking that the government must and should relook at their policies to make Singapore a more livable place.

Money is not everthing and sadly the political and ecomomic ( not to our favour ! ) landscape does not and will not allow us to move to a gracious society soon. My thinking is this, there is a deliberate or other wise, movement to suppress this side of society, money only matters.

Mr/Miss Tan, your exposure has brought you alot of new perception and your article has expressed it very well too. Taiwan has a rich cultural and the people are more passion to serve. Their government is considered as civil servant, that is to serve the nation with passion.

Their system is not run like coperate style whereby the top people will earn high pay. Providing the needs to the people is not consider as a burden to the nation but consider as necessity to reduce the load of the people. No doubt there maybe some dark spots in Taiwan but one should not just show the dark spots of other countries.

I feel that different people has different perception and requirement from their society. People who are exposed to different environment tends to have different perception, people who are less exposed hence can only know the different environments from the local media.

Although the flowers may not always be more beautiful in other countries, but there is always alot more things to learn and improved from what one see.

Singapore may look good or bad and it depends on whose perception and from what level are they viewing. High pay foreign expat or locals will feel Sg accomodating but not low pay locals. Same in other countries as well.

At the end of the day, one needs to love the country in order to have the passion to serve the nation.

before building a gracious society, Singapore requires a HUMAN society.. a civilized society you may say….

the lowest a human should be at is at the level of a human
not an animal, insect, plant
not a devil or demon
when a human goes lower than a human and in fact when a human behaves like an animal, insect or plant or devil or demon, than he/she is far worse than all this because he has natural abilities to avoid and prevent this

being gracius is being in the best character and conduct of a human
i guess we need to strive for a society of humans first since singaporeans out of their ignorance and arrogance that they have attained stupidly through their economic success have only grown to loose the human characteristics to be able to be capable of the following
- cruelty
- wickedness
- abusive
- tyranical
- selfish
- crudeness

you just need to be a human (not necessarily graceful) to give up seats for pragnent ladies on mrt

Dear People,

Lets do the most obvious thing – TAN KIN LIAN for PRESIDENT !!

Yes folks – we need Tan Kin Lian to be our next President. Also we need

LEONG SZE HIAN for Finance Minister !!

It’s a tall order my friends. We can start only be getting rid of the moral rot that has seaped into evey facet of our lives over the last 40 years of basically a one-party rule.
It’s a great dream, a hope that I share too for my children and future generations.
But who is a Singaporean? See how they blue the lines when they need? With so many foreigners, PR’s how can the society act as one in this transient state?

The SS

“how can the society act as one in this transient state?”

1) Rule Based Methods
Some of the abuses, short comings in character and conduct can be controlled through this approach.
Labor will be one large area in this. in many developed countries (OECD countries) there are well developed frameworks at workplace and outside workplace to protect workers from employers, employers from workers and workers from workers. The issues that these rules try to control range from simple malicious gossiping(which is regarded as harrassment) to denial of fair opportunities etc.
Much of racial, sexual and religious descrimination can be controlled using this method also.
Our laws exist for prevention of physical abuse for maids. but do we have mechanisms (not necessary laws alone) to prevent non-physical abuse of maids which is often the precedent for physical abuse.

2) Non-legal mechanisms

Laws alone cannot control everything. There are considerable labor disputes, domestic disputes etc etc that can be controlled effective mediation and arbitration. in singapore the “folks” will say we already have it. well its far useless than the counterpart mechanisms in other countries. in terms of domestic disputes, our State run or State sanctioned family centres and counselling centres are a far big failure. these domestic disputes need a more social, cultural or community solution. the traditional social support system need to be reconstructed as they were the most effective in resolving and controlling domestic conflicts and disputes. courts, police, state run agencies, beuracratic agencies such as family centres etc all are more costly and less effective.

much labor disputes are also effectively resolved through intervention of labor advocates and so on in other countries. such mechanisms are non-existent in Singapore.

3) social and public interest groups
these play a large role in keeping check to inhumane behaviours, attrocities, cruelties and abuses. in some countries they function through financial and non-financial support through universities. in some countries its the equivalent of our town councils and state governments that support them financially.

4) clergy
this as we know has probably the greatest impact to promote humanity and good conduct. of course for that you need knowledgeable clergy

5) elderly
elderly also play a large role in society in checking the excesses of the young in traditional societies. in modern societies they are reduced to void decks and welfare homes. the reckless attitude of some or many singaporeans that they are independent and free and that they can do what they wish to their wife or husband or kids or in-laws or parents or colleagues or maid etc even if that may be an abuse require a strong countering force. the elderly can be that strong force.

For a start, institute electoral reforms, de-link the judiciary from the executive, media reform. In other words move towards a democratic system of governance, instead of a sham democracy.

Goguryeo,

We need that ‘freak’ election result to trigger all this…before that happens, sadly, I don’t see any reforms except the Wayang show by the machinery.
Like I have commented before, Singapore has to go through alot of pain to achieve it once we throw them out.
Are Singaporeans (True Citizens) up for it? Are we ready for a Change? Come what may?

I am impressed with the attitude of the people of China, who responded as a people with nationalist pride, against the dissidents who tried to disrupt the journey of the Olympic touch around the world and in China.

Although China is an communist society with a non-democratic system, they are able to win over the respect and loyalty of the people. The leaders of China are humble and are in touch with the ordinary people.

I saw Prime Minister Wen Jiabao who visited the scene of some national disasters, including the recent Sichuan earthquake, to be with the people.

Actually, within the communist system in China, theleaders are freely elected by the cadres of the communist party. Some unpopular leaders could be replaced. There is accountability within the system.

The people look up to their leaders to show example.
Looking at ours by the way they treat their oppositions
will tell you we still have a long way to go. Perhaps after
the Grand Old Man has passed on.

8) The SS on July 2nd, 2008 1.15 pm

“Are Singaporeans (True Citizens) up for it? Are we ready for a Change? Come what may?”

Just try it and bite the bullet lah. And conquer that psychological barrier that is there so that the bogeyman will not never have a chance to appear again. Have faith and confidence in your fellow country men – they know what they are doing.

I was with some business friends in Hong Kong chit-chatting about gracious society. A friend from Hong Kong quoting his personal experience on Hong Kong highway.
He was stopped by traffic police along highway while driving a lorry with some passengers at the onboard. Ticket was issued for over loading. After handed over the ticket, the police office told my friend he would escort his lorry with all passengers onboard to the nearest stop for him to make alternate arrangement for his passengers as it was unsafe to alight along highway. The police led them to a nearest bus stop before continue his highway patrol .
My friend from China said he could not expect this type of service from policemen in China. What they are interested is to punish for wrong doings. Sound familiar to me.

When you have been told to excel at all costs, no free lunch, to be the best, etc etc, all care, concern and consideration for others gets thrown out of the window. You are told to swim or sink, thus you end up inward looking. Everybody else is a competitor whether on the train, bus, queue etc. Sometimes you have to step back n reflect to see if it is healthy for you. It is just a manifestation of our economic and educational system.

Freedom march speeches excerpts from the great Martin Luther King, Jr . A model freedom fighter comparable to Ghandi and a cool reminder of the hard road to true democracy.

“But there is something that I must say to my people, who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice: In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.”

http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/mlkihaveadream.htm

A happy and developed nation is a nation of citizens who truly embraces the true essence of harmonious human living.

A happy and developed nation is a nation of citizens with soulful hearts where wealth is measured by the kindness and respects you bestow to your human kind.

A happy and developed nation is a nation of citizens who truly embraces all living things with no conditioning.

A happy and developed nation is a nation of citizens who truly embraces no man is above the law, where all human kind is truly equal before the court of law.

A happy and developed nation is a nation of citizens who truly bestow respects to their leadership without coercing.

Bfr we run loose with our definitions of happiness, graciousness and goodness. Lets look what has happened very recently when a debate was held in to discuss the whole deregulation the net matter. Tell me how many anonymous bloggers were invited to participate? Why aren;t they even consider a market segment of our net?

Bfr we start running over our assumptions and telling ppl what they should and should do. I think we may learn many things by first looking at ourselves, if we look at how we may improve ourselves.

Just the other day, I was having a conversation with my son, PC and among other things I expressed my sentiment, Singapore has become too commercial and perhaps intentionally agressively competitive to the extent we lost our graciousness which was second nature to us during the time when I was young. This is especially regretful as then we were poor and living from hand to mouth. I remember we were happy, we look out for each others.

The government has some years back given some lip service about promoting a gracious society of which not too much have been hear from since. The rich are getting richer, the guys in charge want more and more money while the old and disadvantaged languish in the urban heartland. It is every man for himself, grab what you can.

There are growing voices on the internet, especially people of my age who share similiar sentiments concerning the lack of graciousness in our society as compare to what we experience in say Taiwan, Malaysia, The Philippines, Myanmar or in developed countries such as Norway, Australia.

Perhaps not by coincidence, many Singaporeans, read Mr Tan Kin Lian among many others, feel strongly enough to frequently lament and registering such similiar feeling on the net, on their blogs etc.

It seems like the policy in Singapore is to achieve even more economics objectives first then we may in some remote future, get around to be gracious, perhaps by order or by some acts of parliament to be implemented. I think this is not how it works, our poorer neighbours manage to retain their graciousness, those developed countries such as Australia did not lost their graciousness, they have time for each other, they take care of their elderly and poor while we in Singapore find excuses and reason why we are not there yet. Perhaps in our society, the ethos has become “Graciousness are for Losers”, Even so…

If not now, when? Let it start with us even if I felt our government is not providing the basic framework for it to happen as they should.

Talk has to be very cheap. What is graciousness and politeness? I dont know really. All I know is when I went to this site and I saw the hard work this person has done to organize all the information on the deregulation debate. I just said wow!

http://magnezium.blogspot.com/2008/06/internet-deregulation.html

I asked a few of my colleagues why he went through so much trouble and someone said, he probably thought James someone like you wanted more information abt it and probably didnt want you to go through leg cramps like he did searching for it.

In my book we need more of this sort of people in Singapore, it will certainly make our little red dot worth living and dying for.

Kudos

James

Hi; fellow Singaporeans;

the only way to start a political change is to deny oneself from all political activities and enhance social interactions amongst the people ourselves. We have to numb ourselves and avoid any campaign even including charity drives.

Taking responsibilities upon oneself on behalf of others do not neccessarily help the society, especially when the people shoulder all or most of the responsibilities of our leaders. ASK YOURSELF, WHAT IS LEADERSHIP FOR? TO LEAD YOU, TO GUIDE YOU and NOT TO MAKE USE OF YOU!

Look around you, look at the society we are in, ask ourself; are our family not broken, are our marriage lives happy. Divorce, old folks abandoned in old folks homes, youngs thrown into childcare centres. Vices all around and we slog and slog. Works are all project or contract basis and for the same job(profession) a few companies are created to alternate as competitors. AND THE ONLY ONE LOSING OUT IN THIS ARRANGEMENT ARE THE EMPLOYEES, WHO GET TO RETAIN THE JOBS BUT THE PAYS REMAIN STAGNANT BECAUSE ONE GETS TO START NEW AGAIN AND AGAIN.

We got to understand ourselves now rather than trying to understand the system guided by our leaders who want us to see issues they explain to us and want us to see in their ways. To follow in every step make us sheep ready for slaughter, WE HAVE TO ALLOW THE PRESENT SYSTEM TO FAIL IN ORDER FOR A CHANGE TO TAKE PLACE. THIS NEEDS A CONCERTED EFFORT FROM THE PEOPLE.

We may not succeed at one go but make an effort, give it a test if not a try.

patriot.

To: I Love Singapore, I love Singapore too!
I say we need to accept this pain.
There’s so much to change and if our long term investments are anything to gauge, we Will feel the pain.
Which fund manager is allowed to lose like half your investments within a calendar year without being queried/grilled?Would you even trust your mother if her performance record is this bad ?
“….in the long term we are all DEAD…….John Maynard Keynes”

Our Government has done ‘almost’ everything for us (radically speaking) but alas!
Singapore – a house but not a home.

Mr Tan,

I agree that social graces are certainly lacking in Singapore, but I don’t think free democracy and graciousness share a definite causal relationship.

Let’s take Thailand for example. Though their political scene arguably allows for more voter involvement, ultimately they are still living under a monarch who has shown that he is not afraid of exerting his influence in the political realm. Strict laws also exist for speaking out against royalty, yet they are easily some of the most friendly people in SE Asia owing to the strong cultural / religious influence.

Another good example would be USA, where going to different states can be almost like stepping into different countries altogether. All of them share the same political circumstance, but my guess is that an upstate NYorker would behave differently from someone living in Louisiana or Arkansas.

I gather from the senior posters that there was a time when Singaporeans were gracious, but perhaps during rapid urbanisation and development (which I did not witness) something got lost along the way, which is not uncommon as can be seen from the US example. However, Taipei and Japan are examples of how social conditioning can still play a big part in maintaining a gracious people.

That’s not to say that our government can’t take the lead though. I believe a lot of the cynicism that Singaporeans harbour against the government inevitably extends to fellow Singaporeans, even if it is sub-conscious. If the system does eventually become a more transparent and accountable one, then perhaps the overall level of suspicion and grudges will drop.

On a last note, I think there is still a glimmer of hope. Singaporeans are still generous when it comes to donating to causes like natural disasters befalling our neighbours. When the New Paper runs a sad story of hardship, some people will step forward to offer help, anonymously or otherwise. Perhaps all we need is some guidance on the everyday courtesies beyond repetitive campaigns and cute mascots.

When we are being frequently reminded that the air we breathe is not free, when we are being regularly reminded that we are a red-dot [rephrased and rephrased], when historical events were frequently exampilised now and then, etc etc etc, what can be the outcomes of all these ????? Someone mentioned that people in Singapore generally become more like robots.

And look, the nation that produced the controversial cartoons are rated the most happiest people on our planet, with USA not far behind.

PS. Of course I am not referring to the controversial cartoons subject per se.

I vote him, and hope everybody votes him!

=======================================

Dear People,

Lets do the most obvious thing – TAN KIN LIAN for PRESIDENT !!

Yes folks – we need Tan Kin Lian to be our next President. Also we need

LEONG SZE HIAN for Finance Minister !!

Speaking from personal experience, I see a lot of graciousness from individuals in Singapore everyday. That includes giving seats to pregnant women or the elderly on the MRT, not leaning on the handrails so more people can hold, moving to create more space for commuters on the MRT, etc.

I think it is important to build a gracious society. But I don’t think it makes a difference whether a person works long hours or not, graciousness is a personal choice.

I’ve seen people who work 15 hours or more a day and/or those who are poor, conduct themselves with the utmost politeness and respect for the people around them. I’ve seen people who don’t work a single minute and/or absolutely rich, yet have no idea what is the meaning of graciousness.

Even on the Internet, something as simple as acknowledging or thanking a person’s post (for taking the trouble to post even if one doesn’t agree with it) is often a sign of graciousness. Does one really need to be privileged to be gracious…

Perhaps, sometimes, things only need to start with the person in the mirror.

Just my simple thoughts. With Best Regards.

As for Mr Tan to qualify as a Presidential candidate in the elections, he will have to satisfy the presidential elections committee that NTUC Income is the equivalent or larger of a company with excess of $100m paid up capital.

Personally I don’t think that will be a problem esp when NTUC had $16b in assets when he retired but he will need a presentation strategy (and thereafter an election platform) cos the committee will be very vigorous. Other than that, he does appear to satisfy the remaining requirements of the constitution (assuming the constitution is not amended again).

Nevertheless, Mr Tan does not appear to be an insider so I would expect some resistence from the establishment.

The bigger question is whether he (and his family) is prepared to undergo that level of scrutiny. It is a personal decision but I hope he does consider this. Singapore would always benefit from a capable leader who is interested in the people and the issues.

singapore is a country .a home a place belong to all singaorean , a place we call home. It dun belong to you , your family. So what u so call the father . In the first place is not even found by you. Because of u , we r in such a bad state. By the way the money belong to singapore not your. It the pp money .

“The measure of a nation is how it treats the least among its weakest members.”
– Mohandas Gandhi

To Lim

>The bigger question is whether he (and his family) is prepared to undergo that >level of scrutiny.

I guess Mr. Tan can pass any legitimate scrutiny, this is not an issue at all.
The real thing to worry is whether there is a sodomy case, or something similar?
Most of Singaporean do not believe Singapore politics will go so ugly. This is because most Singaporean are so naive in politics. When someone lost control of a half century power, when 30+ billions national assets going to change hands, you should prepare for anything to happen.
And actually similar thing has happened to a previous Singapore president.

By the way, to Mr. Tan.

As for China premier Wen Jiabao, his personality does not proof that communist regime working better than Singapore. Actually both system facing similar power succession issue.

Look at abdullah, goh chok tong, wen jiabao, and even gorbachev, you find something common? they are gentle, or a little weak in the political arena.

In most of non-democratic regimes, the first generation will be extreemly
strong, but the second generation, third generation, it become weaker and weaker, most likely the regime will be terminated within 3-4 generation, if not faster. These regimes life span is much shorter than Monarchy regime, which offen survive a few hundreds years.
Because under Monarch regime, the father will likely to choose a strongest son,
and at a non-democratic modern regime, the situation is different. In most cases they can not choose from their son,
You compare Anwar and abdullah, who will Mahathir choose?
Then you compare Tony Tan and Mr. Goh, who will be chosen?

Sometime things will not go as the predecessor’s plan. Like China Chairman Mao chose Mr. Hua Guo feng, I think most Singaporean do even not know this poor and weak communist top leader, because he is removed by Deng Xiaoping in just 2.5 years.

Samething happen in Malaysia.

Anyway, Singapore situation is quite different from most of other countries.

Great damages have been done to the characters, values and judgments of Singaporeans over the last 49 years. I doubt whether the pap leaderships will ever change on their own, their emphasis on money and neglect humane values. Generally speaking, I find Malaysian Chinese more humble, warm and down to earth. They also told me that they find Singaporeans cold, egoistic, and
calculating.

I visited Taiwan a couple of years ago with my family. It was my first trip there. I came back very impressed indeed with what I saw – its efficient transportation system, its vibrancy and best of all, its people – their courteous ways, good and unpretentious service everywhere you go etc, etc.

Singapore indeed has a long, long way to go before it can ever attain Taiwan’s standard. What good government are we talking about? What democracy are we talking about? What is there really that we can claim to be proud of at the end of the day, honestly? Under the facade of a prosperous, vibrant and efficient country (no less a self-advertisement, self-aggrandisement on the part of those in charge), we are led to believe falsely that Singapore is up there with the best. But are we? Really?

It is true and timely that the government must take a hard look at itself and of its oft self-proclaiming notion that “they-know-best” for the country. Its hard-nosed stand on many issues – whether transportation (ERP etc), petrol costs, social issues, political issues and the list goes on is not doing any good to the population and the country as a whole. People submit in to their nonsense only because they are more interested in their lives, to making more money, their nonchalant attitude to politics (due in no small way to the fear that the ruling party had instilled in the populace viz-a-viz lawsuits etc), and through all this ending up as a very law-abiding population, timid to the extent that they take absolutely no interest in everyday happenings. And all these had contributed in a big way to helping the ruling party ruled this land so much easier than elsewhere in the region – for they can be very sure that they can take and make any decision they so desire without so much as a whimper from those they rule.

If this carries on, and many are in no illusion that with every year that pass, we are getting closer and closer to something big happening that will leave the current ruling party ruing from its mistakes. Yes, its time to reflect seriously and stop being so arrogant and think that they know best. So what if they lower the petrol tax and help the populace temporarily in these difficult times? Will they be worse off? I doubt so. Will the driving population be happier if they lower the taxes? Definitely, and it will go a long way to assuage the people’s feeling of the ruling party. It is things like these that the ruling party can eat humble-pie and not tell us “to take public transport instead”! Smacks of total arrogance and alienation. And you have another one telling us that his going to office will also entails having his Cashcard beeps several times when he passed under the ERP gantries. Did he for a moment think before he uttered that statement? How much is he paid monthly compared to those that he rule? He can well afford to pass through ALL the gantries in Singapore everyday and he still won’t feel the pinch!

Mr Tan,

The main problem with our leaders is they THINK they have the correct answers to all our problems….they THINK they know what the people want.

A case in point. 1 or 2 months the 2006 GE, Sembawang GRC planted many bushes and trees along the pavement of Woodlands Ave 7. They THOUGHT the residents want these. Little did they know that these bushes and trees block the street lights shining on the pavement….making the whole stretch of pavement dark at night. What’s more, these bushes and trees clog up water when it rains, flooding the pavement.

Our leaders will never admit that they made a mistake. They measure everything in terms of dollars and cents. So, the people have become very materialistic. SO why should male citizens serve NS?

To develop graciousness we need leadership by example.

As long as our ministers are paid out-of-this-world salary we
are devoid of such leadership, and the ordinary people are
following their example of grabbing as much material wealth
as possible, instead of caring for othe people.

It saddened me much to hear Minister Lim Swee Say that since
he too is paying the ERP charges, therefore the system is fair.
How can he empathise with the comon people with his astronomical
salary?

How can he understand the difficulty of someone earning
less than one-hundredth of his salary?

GRACIOUS SOCIETY – MY FOOT!!!! WHEN GCT SPOKE ABOUT THIS WHEN HE WAS PM, HE WAS TALKING THROUGH HIS ARSE!!!

ALL ALONG, THE WAY THE CIVIL SERVANTS AND MINISTERS TREAT PEASANT SINGAPOREANS THERE IS NOT EVEN A TINGE OF GRACIOUSNESS. PERIOD!

To Brian, Thank you for your comments.

The Govt doesn’t need to stoop to such low measures. Our Govt is a little smarter than that.

The powers of the President are accorded by Parliament under a constitution amendment. It can also simply be removed by way of a constitution amendment by a 2/3rds majority in Parliament.

Any president-elect will have to consider this when dealing with Parliament. Nevertheless, there are several powers that affect ordinary citizens which doesn’t directly concern Parliament. Examples include possible presidential pardons for capital punishment. In such cases, I desire a candidate to represent a compassionate side of Singapore.

Lim (24) said:

Speaking from personal experience, I see a lot of graciousness from individuals in Singapore everyday. That includes giving seats to pregnant women or the elderly on the MRT, not leaning on the handrails so more people can hold, moving to create more space for commuters on the MRT, etc

I agree that there are gracious people still left in Singapore. We need to encourage it and make it into a national habit.

Unfortunately, I find it quite difficult to distinguish a Singaporean from a foreigner on a train. It seems that nearly half of the people are foreigners. If we want a gracious society, we need to get the foreigners to feel that they are part of our society as well. This can be a very difficult task.

I often wish to go back to the Singapore of 20 years ago!

A gracious society needs a more equal society. If people are more equal, they will show respect to each other. And be gracious.

I recall that the words of our national pledge, “to build a democratic society, based on justice and equality”.

Perhaps, we can think more about what is “democracy”, “justice” and “equality”. If we live to the words of our pledge, we can have a gracious society, which is much better than material wealth.

35) Tan Kin Lian on July 5th, 2008 9.27 am

“I often wish to go back to the Singapore of 20 years ago!”

Is it some Freudian slip of yours that something is not so desirable right now.

I wonder whether we are getting comfortable now or indeed things are getting real uncomfortable.

Mr Tan.

I think any society can never be equal or “more equal”. This is only a dream. From day one, I am sure, most civilisation fundamentally try to make and remake an ideal, equal or “more equal” society but up to todate we are still discussing the methodologies of achieving this,like, for example, in this forum.

Society can never be equal. Any equal or “more equal” society will invite unintented troubles and new problems. People with “iron” rice bowls will refuse to burge and move to achieve the next higher level of satisfaction. Again, there will be unhappiness and ill will. Why? Simple example, some people will move and react faster than other people and understand and grapple the opportunities better. Let’s put it this way, will you slow down and let’s others catch up with you and equal to you. Never! This is basic human behaviour.

The only civilised way is to massage the situation/system to make it look better and not to skew further. How? To twist the situation, dishing out rewards and punishments, a “carrot and cake” method. Even then, society cannot be massaged up to an ideal, equal stage. There will bound to have uneveness no matter how hard you try to shape.

If we have some tangible ways to measure graciousness in a society, that will be ideal. If such tangible methods do exist, it will be just wonderful and we will be almost there as we have some aim to attain!

aiya! how to be gracious? cannot lah, monkey see monkey do

Hi, I Love Singapore (38)

I like the old Singapore of 20 years ago, when life is better for most people. I think that the Singapore of today is too stressful, and not so fair to the lower income people.

I had trouble understanding what is a Freudian slip. I checked Wikipedia and found the following definition.

A Freudian slip, or parapraxis, is an error in speech, memory, or physical action that is believed to be caused by the unconscious mind:

Some errors, such as a man accidentally calling his wife by the name of another woman, seem to represent relatively clear cases of Freudian slips. In other cases, the error might appear to be trivial or bizarre, but may show some deeper meaning on analysis. As a common pun goes, “A Freudian slip is like saying one thing, but meaning your mother.” A Freudian slip is not limited to a slip of the tongue, or to sexual desires. It can extend to our word perception where we might read a word incorrectly because of our fixations. It is important to note that these slips are semi-conscious. This is to say that these thoughts are consciously repressed and then unconsciously released. This is unlike true Freudian repression, which is the unconscious act of making something conscious.

I asked a Russian couple if they like the Russia of today (i.e. free market, democracy) or the Russia under communism.

The man, who is a small businessman, prefers the Russia of today. It gives him the freedom to do a small business and get by.

The wife, who is a teacher, prefers the Russia under communism. She prefers that life is more certain and orderly.

My view is that most people at the lower income levels like to get by, and do not wish to have the uncertainty and worries of coping with things beyond their control. It does not mean that they are lazy and wish to come under an iron rice bowl.

If more people feel that life is more certain (and they still have to work for it), they can afford to be more gracious. If they are worry about the uncertainty of life, they have to be struggling all the time, face greater stress, and be more self-centered.

Let us give the lower educated, the opportunity of a simpler and more certain life!

Tan Kim Lian, will you accept if there is a movement to put you up as a candidate in the next Presidential election ? I admire you for your talent, integrity, courage, kindness and compassion. You will make an excellent President for
Singaporeans.

life is so hard to live on with the present gahment , really cant think what will happen to our next genernation …. mr tan ..

Hi Harry (43)

Thank you and many others for your suggestion to nominate me as President. I am honoured and flattered. But it is a risky idea and my wife will not approve of it. It’s nice to hear about it anyway.

I like to share this joke, told to me by my old Swedish friend (who has since passed away).

During the Second World War, Sweden was occupied by a foreign power. Every now and then, there were a rumour that the occupying power has been evicted from Sweden. No one believed the rumour, but it was nice hearing about it anyway.

Hi Victor (21)

I agree that it needs more than “free democracy” to produce a gracious society.

People can be gracious if they are relatively well off, are happy with life (even if they are poor), feel that they are respected and that they have a say. If we stop struggling so much for material benefits, we can be more gracious.

Last night, I met Dr. Chee Soon Juan at a BBQ organised by the Online Citizen and had a nice conversation with him. This is the first time that I met Soon Juan after a lapse of 20 years, when we served in the Singapore Professional Center.

I also met his wife and two young daughters. I taught the children how to play Sudoku and gave them my puzzle books. Life must be extremely difficult for the two girls in school.

My friend told me that Soon Juan now stays in a small HDB flat in Toa Payoh and his family does not have a steady source of income. I hope that our society can be gracious to Soon Juan and his family as well.

Graciousness will naturally exist if the people are humane, civic minded and kind(not generous per se) with empathy and sympathy.

Donating money and kinds to charities, disasters and the poor, do not mean graciousness per se, however generosity it definitely is. Graciousness invariably
connotates some respects to others without knowing the other party(parties) or even just respect for the sanctity of being. Generosity, on the other hand is giving, maybe out of pity or having plain excess of unwanted belongings.

Graciousness does not require one to give to others but respects for others are requirements for graciousness to stand, at the very least, courtesy must be a component.

Abuse of others, bullying of others, oppression of others, discrediting others, despicing others and discriminating others are clear signs of ungraciousness. As such to be gracious, one needs only to avoid these traits, there is no need for any givings except respect.

To build a gracious society, the leaders, elders and superiors have to be role models. When these people fail to be exemplary or worse are the very people that show opposite traits and these are viciousness, wickedness, haughtiness, brutal, rough etc, a gracious society is not conceiveable. Conscience is a must ingredient to a gracious society.

patriot.

Sometimes graciousness need to be earned. Not everyone deserves to be treated graciously.

Hi Kin Lian
I am surprised to hear you say that “but it is a risky idea and my wife will not approve of it.”, esp from a well-qualified and enlightened personality like yours. What retribution have you or she got to fear?

If even someone like you fears to enter politics, then something is very wrong with our society and we can’t blame the ordinary man from shunning from political service to society. How then can we ever be a gracious society?

Our country needs an independent auditor, and your experience and educational background make you eminently suitable.

I hope thru your service and clout as elected President you can truly be the champion to bring about a quantum leap in graciousness among us.

There will always be the poor among us, “Anawim” in Old Testament,
for our discussion the lower income group.
But poor does not necessary mean material poor, it can be spiritually poor too.
The rich might have lots of money and material things but poor in other ways.
It will always be humanity’s “call” to help the poor get on.
When a nation looses this call to lift the poor out of their plight it definitely is on road to social and soon economic failure, in our country it is this, a wide gap between the haves and have not.
What have we become as a country. What I can’t understand, we are a small country, can’t more be done?
This article says it all about our failure as a country.

http://forums.delphiforums.com/sammyboymod/messages/?msg=183636.1

Hi Mr Tan

Thanks for your response. I respect your decision but if you do change your mind on the elected presidency candidacy, I think there are many who will support your election because we think you can do it well.

A certain unionist, Mr Walter Reuther once said:
There is no greater calling than to serve your fellow men. There is no greater contribution than to help the weak. There is no greater satisfaction than to have done it well.

Best Regards

Many times when I show my overseas friends around, they tend to be greeted by friendly but whining taxi drivers. And at many social occasion, my foreign friends also find many of my friends tend to talk about bad experiences and the harsh aspects of life.

I can’t help but to think that it has become a Singaporean culture to whine.

We should not ignore the bright side of life! :-)

(When is the last time you talked about happy moments?)

How to be happy when the average Singaporeans are so stressed in all fronts. Jobs, they have to compete with foreigners. Once over 40, they are discarded like a used towel. Low wages and high cost of livng means every month money not enough. Then the MSM insulted our intelligence by twisted and weird reports to justify the Leegime’s harsh policies. The Leegime used absurd reasoning to con Singaporeans. Housing are being driven by foreigners with the Leegime tacit support to way beyond Singaporean means. The ride to and from work is so unpleasant. Squeezed like saddins. The kids are so stressed and pressurised at school. The hot and humid weather only makes matter worst. Where is the bright side of living in Singapore for the 80% ?

Hi Anonymous (50)

I do not fear retribution, but I have to respect the wish of my wife. I do not want her to be put in a difficult position.

There are very few people in Singapore who are like Dr. Chee. There are plenty who have the ability, capability and kind heartedness. Rare are those with the courage, conviction and the willingness to sacrifice himself and his family for a couse he absolutely believe is just and righteous like Dr. Chee. Dr. Chee belongs to a rare breed of humankind and I only hope that Singaporeans treasure him.

/// Tan Kin Lian on July 6th, 2008 12.01 pm (40)
I had trouble understanding what is a Freudian slip. I checked Wikipedia and found the following definition. ///

In what context, did the come across Freudian slip?

I received this e-mail from a Singaporean who lived in Taiwan.

Dear Mr Tan,

I am a fan of many of the articles which you have contributed to the press. This one on the Taiwanese people is also a great piece of article but somehow I am doubtful if our government will ever listen.

I too have lived and worked in Taipei Taiwan for a year from 2005-2006 and found my experiences there to be very memorable. I totally agree with your points but sadly I think our leaders look down upon the average Singaporean and therefore treat us as mere “digits”. It is the scholars who will make the decision for the rest of us….regrettably.

Best regards

Hi T (#57)

Someone asked me in an earlier post (#38) if I have committed a Freudian slip.

Dear Mr Tan,

I attended a talk you once held for young people at NTUC. Your obvious concern for the young people of Singapore touched me and I thought, “Here’s one of the ‘few good men’ of Singapore.” So, I am very pleased to have found that there are people who agree with me and would like to see you as President. I would, too, and since I have passed voting age, I would vote for you in a heartbeat.

As for graciousness, I think Singapore has gone to the dogs. I take the long, tedious journey from Pasir Ris to Tanjong Pagar every workday and I have yet to see anyone give up their seat for a pregnant lady or elderly person (not that there are much of the latter during peak hours) in the 3 years since I joined the workforce. I see working professionals pushing and jostling to be the first to get out of the station. I see doors slamming into the person behind simply because the person who opened the door couldn’t be arsed to hold it open just a minute longer. I see people cutting into others’ path without so much of a by-your-leave or an “excuse me”. I see so much to be disgusted by, and yet there are angels of graciousness and mercy who have made my day brighter. Once, a total stranger went off to get me a pair of slippers because my the strap of my leather sandal had broken when I slipped on a wet pavement.

Singapore has come a long way in 43 years, there is no doubt of that. But at what price? The price of our civility, courtesy and happiness? Or is a low crime and corruption rate, excellent infrastructure and No. 1 airport enough?

Harry (53) has a point when he asked how it is possible to be happy here. 3 years of working in this extremely-stressful environment and I am already sick of it. I want to emigrate or at least be posted overseas because I do not want to spend the next 20-30 years of my career working to pay off the price of a car and miserably-small flat, and get peanuts from my CPF after 55. I do not want to be told that a Singaporean woman’s ‘national service’ is to pop out babies for the nation. I am not willing to wait another generation for this land to finally accept and encourage the arts as a viable career option. I do not want to live in a land so technologically-advanced, yet so 3rd-world in its civil and social liberties. Freedom of press or speech? That always draws a guffaw from me.

I’m not saying the grass is always greener on the other side; that would be an incredibly immature thing to say. It’s just that the world is so vast and the opportunities are equally vast. Why limit myself to one small dot?

Singapore might be the land of my birth, but I cannot bring myself to make it the land of the rest of my life. After all…I do have that choice, do I not?

i want to now more abt gracious ppl

Some Singaporean are rather rude, for example TTSH Eye Clinic my father visited on 3 Sep. I had 100% paid cash upfront for the lasik surgery, counter staff and nurse keep asking “Have u paid money?”. IT WAS THE FIRST QUESTION WHEN MEETING CUSTOMER ! Why can’t the staff read the patients medical record file before they ask any question? Such a rudeness in TTSH was not worst than kopitian.

I disagree Taiwan is a gracious society at macro level where you can view the rudeness/fighting during senate debate or paliament meeting. Corruption and seperatism in Taiwan are never gracious ! Please watch Cable TV Channel 49.

Dear Mr Tan,

On the website, another rare gracious citizen’s name has been suggested as next President – Tommy Koh.

After Ngiam T D, yourself and now Tommy Koh – there are very few people who are up to the mark, and prepared to participate on their own free will as the possible real people’s choice. Can you please re-consider ?

Thank you.

it should be like this, because if the patient will be receiving words of encouragement from the doctors and nurses he obviously recovers soon.
Arden Kaisman

I think being an ungracious society does not exactly relate to democracy. In my opinion, Singapore in general is ungracious because most of the people here have been accustomed to the idea of winning. We are more concerned of ourselves and about having to compete and survive that we tend to forget about the people around us.

Besides, there are so much other factors to consider.

And by the way, Singapore is more democratic than Cuba, but Cubans are hospitable and gracious people.

Just a comment on this…
“Help our people to enjoy life and living in Singapore. They should not have to work for long hours to pay for the high cost of living in Singapore, and still feel uncertain about their future.”
> Singapore will always have to be uncertain about their future because it has limited resources; we have to work harder, which is why we have so many laws and regulations — the country can’t afford mistakes you see.

But yeah I do agree with the whole idea that having a gracious environment makes a place more livable. It enhances our lives. But Singapore has a long way to go.