By Terence Lee / Youth Editor
HE NEVER thought that a six-month trip to Australia with his family last year could turn out to be the catalyst that led to the founding of Dontcyberbully.com.
While he was there to settle his wife and daughter down into the new environment, Gilbert Goh, 47, was alarmed when he read news of how a girl committed suicide because of cyber bullying.
That was when his thoughts turned towards Singapore.
While anti-cyber bullying websites are common in Australia, he was shocked to find out that no Singapore equivalent exists, despite cyber bullying being on an uptrend.
“In the past, we would get bullied in school, but we had a home to run to; it is our safe haven. But nowadays, even the home is not safe for the child anymore. As long as you switch on the computer, you open yourself up for harassment,” said the English teacher, who also writes for TOC.
According to a survey conducted in 2006, 25 per cent of 3,488 students surveyed have experienced online harassment before. On a per-capita basis, this is the most compared to all other countries except the United States, said a Channel News Asia article.
Deciding to take action, Mr Goh then started the website.
Big Ambitions
Three qualified counselors are on hand to respond to any online requests within 48 hours. Mr Goh admitted that such online counseling is not a common practice here in Singapore.
“But I figured that youths nowadays do everything online anyway. Even if they’re bullied, it happens online. So I thought: why not? It’s convenient and I’m sure they won’t mind,” he said.
Nonetheless, the counselors are also prepared to meet the victims face-to-face should the need arise.
Besides online counseling, the website also provides educational articles on cyber bullying. But he does not just want to stop there.
He hopes that the website will eventually become a “rallying point” for different entities to work together to combat cyber bullying.
“If we can collaborate with MICA or IDA , it would be ideal. We would also want to collaborate with the MOE and go into schools to bring the message across,” he said.
Even the Singapore Police Force and the telcos can play a part, he added. For example, if a death threat is made against a child, an investigation would be needed. And as for anonymous tormentors, telcos can provide information on who is the perpetrator.
Mr Goh also hopes to get one or two teenagers to be involved in the website. “Maybe they can be cyber policemen,” he added.
While it seems that Singapore has not experienced any suicide cases caused by cyber bullying as yet, he hopes that by being “proactive,” such incidents would not happen here.
A worried father, an active citizen
Part of his motivation for setting up the website was the fact that he himself is a father of a 15-year-old daughter. She is currently studying at a private girl’s school in Australia, which consists mainly of Caucasian girls.
While Mr Goh was there with his family, he once wrote to the press about cyber bullying. He then showed the published letter to his daughter as a talking point.
“She told me that if she were to be harassed online, she would immediately turn off the computer,” he said.
However, he does not know if her quiet daughter is bullied.
“So far, she hasn’t told me anything, except that her friends were bullied before. At 15, it’s unlikely that she’ll come to me for help,” he added.
Mr Goh writes to the newspaper forum frequently, and has even appeared on a radio show a while ago.
And besides setting up an anti cyber bulling website, he also runs transitioning.org, a support site for the unemployed. He has also written a book entitled “How to survive unemployment – a survival guide for the jobless,” which is due for publication soon.
“I want to represent those that do not have the time or talent to voice out their concerns,” he said, referring to his love of writing.
“Many times, I had friends come up to tell me: hey, you wrote exactly what I was thinking about!”
While he feels that Singaporeans in general could take a page from the Australians and be more civil-minded, his friends have been very supportive of his endeavours.
“I’ve never really felt alone doing all these things, and that’s because my friends rally around me. It’s just that they don’t really want to show their faces.”
“And that puzzles me sometimes,” he quipped.
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Why are some of you so incredibly stubborn? That you even feel the need to do everything only your way? Why cant it be our way for just once. Darkness likes to wear his bicycle helmet loop sided like a fedora. Harphoon likes to ride in pyjamas top. SD rides with only one glove and the other in his back pocket. Why? Sad thats sad. We just want to be frens :)
And me
With regards to the topic at hand, I’m not exactly sure what Gilbert’s aim is. I mean, the website (still in development, it seems) strives to provide advice and support for cyberbully victims. There seems to be aims to collaborate with MOE to bring the message across, but this means quite significant manpower and resources (the same goes to providing counselling support.
Perhaps what would be a more suitable aim is to work together with existing organisations that help victims of bullying. The website can be a convenient point for information, help and contact for counsellors, while the counsellors themselves will be experienced personnel from those organisations.
Just a few loose thoughts regarding this. Nonetheless, it is a noble undertaking by Gilbert.
To be honest, I often find it puzzling to read comments that asks TOC to stop moderating comments it deems unnecessarily provocative. I’ve been moderated before as well, and could understand that it sucks. However, do understand that at the end of the day, this blog belongs to the person who starts it. Why can’t we just respect his right to direct the tone of discussions as he deem fit? Why insinuate TOC is a cyberbully when you bring your conflicts into the website, that has little to do with the article and grumble that TOC is being unfair when moderation is being exercised? When has TOC ever claimed to be impartial? Aren’t these your own expectations as to how TOC should be run?
The solution to all these is just to set up an alternate site like SD wars or something and all those who wanna debate can go there. All it takes is five minutes of your time.
And lastly, even if someone disagrees with the article or the views held by person in the article, is there a need to be so disdainfully condescending towards the person? Why can’t we take the tone used by Observer (#41) and some others here, which is to disagree agree-ably?
Dear gemami,
As your cyberspace friend, I would advices you to keep your cool. Why get so irate and sulk over this ‘cyberspace bullying’ hypothesis (that is my personal view)? Even if someone suggest to put the “bullies” if any (depending on an individual’s perception) in a straight jacket, that is not going to stop this form of behavior.
We are matured and civilized adults and we can make the choice to either continue to participate and state our views regardless or just side line ourselves. Whether how a site administrator chose to moderate its readers or posters, the rights is theirs. As readers and posters, we can suggest but ultimately it is the host of the site that makes the final call. I think that is at least much more civil as compared to raw brawl that will not only ruin your day, if you let it gets to you too often, it does have a possible knock on effect on your otherwise pristine perceptions and thoughts. There are more important things in live to deal with other than engaging oneself in a cyberspace discourse. We came here to share our perspectives but should not let it rule your life and thoughts. Virtual is imaginary and that is a clear distinction.
Sincerely,
Observer (SG-HK)
Dear Observer (SG-HK),
I thank you for bringing sense back to this senseless head of mine. It does happen from time to time when passion takes over the senses.
I admit I got carried away mainly because the article is about cyber-bullying and I thought it apt to make others see the bullying playing out before our eyes.
I regret that I too became a player in this game of bullying, by bullying TOC. It was just tit-for-tat, nothing else. I am now calm and I realise the futility of such behaviour.
Thanks Observer, and Joshua too, for your kind words, even though I feel I do not deserve them.
i do not understand the battle here so no point taking sides.
however, i must commend gilbert for making an effort to help victims of cyber-bullies. at least he started with good intentions.
as for singaporedaddy, i understand the points made and I feel that they are indeed valid concerns. sheltering the kids from the world out there does not help them, in any sense, in coping with it one day. in fact, it will do more harm than good. perhaps we really need to look at educating kids to not take the internet so seriously.
would like to comment on the issue at hand-
I think it’s great that Gilbert has set up this initiative; I know of a couple of teenage girls who have been victims of this and were completely helpless about how to counter the cyberbullies.
Cyberbully victims are very much like victims in the real world, they are often socially withdrawn and quiet in nature, and do not have the outspoken, proactive personality required to discourage bullies. This is also why they were bullied in the first place. (Hanish & Guerra, 2004)
While the notion of allowing adolescents to deal with conflicts on their own is a good one, it is misguided, in my opinion. Since it is precisely those who are unable to stand up for themselves that are picked on, it is all the more important for these kids to be empowered with tools such as from Gilbert’s website. This is not the case of adults stepping in to deal with the problems on behalf of the teen, but rather educating them about how to counter the bullying.
That being said, however, I have visited the site myself and found it rather cumbersome. It contains links to various articles about how to spot cyberbullies, how to challenge them etc., but the articles themselves are not easy for your average teen in sg to understand. A suggestion would be to distill these articles into teen-speak, complete with 1-2-3 steps, etc.
Also, teens are usually not inclined to listen to talks conducted by MOE during their school assemblies. Instead, such sessions are usually a good time to nap :p. I’d like to suggest that teen ambassadors be appointed instead; teens who genuinely advocate the cause to spread the word around, put it on their blogs, etc. This would be a better way to engage them; otherwise they might think it’s just another boring, plain website run by a boring, plain adult. :P (No offence, Gilbert!)
Has anyone given any thought to the whole idea what happens when kids go out into the real world and they face a real bully> who do they call? Is there a hotline where I can call and someone can come and pack off my boss who has been bullying me? Get real! The brotherhud guy is right. I dont agree with what they say sometimes, but I see where they are coming from. The important thing is both gilbert and them are united on one point. The all have the interest of kids in mind. Its just a great pity this whole moderation issue crunched and destroyed everything. This could have been a great dialogue.
#59:
I think the issue should be examined from two perspectives. One: the perspective of the kid being bullied and Two: the bully. I think a great point is made in that kids should learn to fend for themselves. However, as #58 has pointed out, there are some kids that are just unable to do so. To ask them to suddenly change their personality and fend off the bullies would be impossible.
Nevertheless, Gilbert’s website can provide advice on “fending off” cyber bullies, but it doesn’t have to do it for the kids. Ultimately, the kids will still have to stand up for themselves no matter what. That is reality. Gilbert’s site doesn’t offer to “pack off” the bully like what #58 suggested, but to offer ideas on how bullying can be dealt with. Ultimately, it is the person that has to make the move.
I’ll agree with #59′s suggestions. The site could be improved further to appeal to teenagers. The use of youth ambassadors will certainly be of great help. I still remember the assembly talks i used to attend. Somehow I always feel sleepy during these talks. Roadshows held during recess would be a great idea. But of course, what Gilbert can do is talk to teachers and principals to educate them on helping their students with cyberbullying. That might be his role.
Oh, and from the perspective of handling the bully, the site can be useful in finding out who the person is and dealing with him/her appropriately. It’s a form of dealing out justice, so to speak.
Why do people cyber bully? I just do not understand thier aim! What do they gain anyway? Even Miley Cyrus and Lindsay Lohan are being cyber bullied! This issue causes a lot of deaths!