That’s what happens when you are not careful and maticulous enough with choosing the right life partner.

A person is judged not by their looks but by their character. It seems that the women of singapore today has failed to comprehend this very important wisdom.

I don’t condone abuse. But I’ll say this- I have a way with words. I could talk black into white in any argument and basically piss my ex off.

Faced with no other alternative to fairness, she’d inevitably resort to crying and flinging things at me. And by things I mean pots, pans and other heavy steel objects.

Being hit by steel at 40 kmh HURTS.

For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. I was 23 back then and still relatively immature. Win the argument, lose the love I’ve learnt since. But truth is, it’s human psychology- male or female, push someone into a corner and they’d respond like a cornered animal. It’s basic, it’s primitive and it’s purely self defence.

What we should condemn is unprovoked aggression.

“If you can help the situation by changing yourself, perhaps that’s something to try if you truly love the guy.”

If the guy truly love the woman, he need to change as well. This is more important than for the woman to change.

There is much truth that men are from Mars and women are from Venus,
so it is imperative to compromise on behaviour and needs.

Having said that, there are always exceptions in relationships, where some women choose brutish men over gentlemen.

Provoked or not, violence is still wrong

Think the reporter got a S & M fantasy.

Violence begets violence. It’s a vicious cycle, none is the wiser of the two. If their children learns to act as they have seen, then what will the society become of in the future?

Stupid is as stupid says.

It’s like saying maybe a wife should change her attitude towards sex if her husband had raped/violated her.

Sheesh,
Kaffein

this writer is asking for trouble. haha

agreed with kaffein.

violent is as violent does. what next? a raped girl deserves to be raped when she wears “provocatively”???

being provoked is a two-way street. a lot of times, BOTH sides are provoked. the person who hits out so violently, can’t be an angel who has not said a provoking line at all.

aiyoyo

cant understand why ST got this type of article published???

then the policeman/social workers do what/help victims huh???

aiyoyo

Does Ms Lee have any nuggets of wisdom for the spouse who sprouts vulgarities, commits domestic violence and then tries to mitigate by falsely alleging spousal abuse?

Take the case of Aniza Essa (the Malay woman who tried to enlist her teenage lover to kill her husband), even the AG Woon himself admitted that the prosecution did not have enough time to reply to the defence’s mitigation.

You can imagine what kind of free-wheeling nonsense the violent spouse can claim in his/her mitigation pleas.

i guess this woman ST writer has experiences with violent men. she must have had her belly kicked in, teeth kicked out, face flushed in the toilet bowl….so she changed and instantly her guy is as gentle as a koala bear.

Just call the police. U wait for ppl to help you, you may be beaten to death by then.

How stupid or worse can journalists at the ST get? She should keep her “humble advise” to herself.

Irrespective, domestic is uncceptable. Perhaps Joanne is open to getting raped just because she dresses provocatively? as mugger @10) says. I wonder where se keeps er brains? bawa?

women should learn kung-fu, judo, karate, shaolin and kick men around.

Ya! And grow some chest hair and a beard too while they are at it!

You people are incorrigible! When will you ever learn to accept that there are differences between sexes?

It all starts with respect. Mutual respect maintains a good relationship. Being intrusive, obnoxious or just plain difficult provokes nasty things to happen.

If women are that much against violence then maybe they should just learn to control their tongue better and shut their nagging once in a while.

And if men are smart, they will know that wasting such efforts on them is just not worth the trouble at all. Leave them to their insanity. There are always plenty of fish around in the ocean.

I’m sorry, but the excerpts here on TOC are a tad misleading. The reporter of this piece is talking more about her own experience and suggesting that in cases where the man can get pissed off (punching walls etc) but does not actually hit his woman (this is what the reporter defines as ‘mild abuse’), the woman ought to look at the possibility that she may be contributing to the detriment of the situation. She does not appear to be condoning any direct violence and seems to be simply advocating an equal-ownership approach to relationships.

I would urge those offended by what the excerpts here suggest to read the full article in its entirety before reaching your conclusion. It is typically ST which gives this kind of misleading information, and it certainly feels weird to have to defend their position/article in this case.

Ganga,

How can it be misleading when we provided two url links to her article and ask readers to read her article?

Joanne Lee has responded here:
http://blogs.straitstimes.com/2009/3/16/getting-the-best-reply-of-all/

To answer Ganga, this is what Joanne wrote in her article. You make your own conclusion.

Joanne:
“So my humble ADVICE to anyone out there facing MILD cases of domestic/dating ABUSE is this: If you can HELP the situation by CHANGING YOURSELF, perhaps that’s something to try if you TRULY LOVE the guy.”
(caps all mine)

Here is my advice which I had given to her:
http://blogs.straitstimes.com/2009/3/16/getting-the-best-reply-of-all/comments/3162#comment-3162

Quote:
“Mild cases will often lead to more abusive ones. Many of these cases include verbal abuse and lowering of victim’s self-esteem and respect. And how long do you think a victim (mild or not) can endure before it gets overboard?

By the time, it’s usually too late because the victim has totally lost her self-esteem. It ALWAYS start off small.”

Don’t ever condone violence against women. Mild or not.

Kaffein

Also to Ganga, she wrote:
“…he’d punch the wall and shove me around a little. (It’d usually be a one-off punch because he was inherently a decent guy who knew it was wrong to hit anyone.)”

“We were young, we had tempers and we had not the maturity to control those tempers. When he HIT me those few times, I’ll freely admit, I had a part to play in the outcome.

I didn’t misquote her, Ganga. So we are not talking about “does not actually hit his woman (this is what the reporter defines as ‘mild abuse’)”

Kaffein

Give Joanne Lee a break. This is probably the most honest article written by a writer from the Stalinesque Times.

Love this gem of a line, ” I had a way with words – twisting words, to be precise.” Could this be the crucial ability required for gaining admission into the hallowed halls of the ST newsdesk?

By confronting and admitting she has this acute problem, Joanne has shown more courage than any of her propagandist workmates. I wish some of the other “sisters” in Toa Payoh will have the conscience to look themselves in the mirror and leave the doing of the Twist to Chubby Checker. That may be a little too much to ask.

Way to go, Joanne. Good for you. You need to take just 3 more steps to full and complete recovery:
1) Tender the letter
2) Drive out of the main gate of 1000 Toa Payoh North Singapore 318994
3) Throw away the rear view mirror.

You can do it. We are rooting for you.

i like to say that i am not a fan of this writer.
she never impressed me before.
so, i don’t really care what she writes. erm, what does she do?

I’ve commented on this here:

http://www.glass-castle.org/issue18editorial.html

Joanne Lee’s remarks are irresponsible and her current response is wholly inadequate.

Sorry for the late reply – am overseas at the moment.

I guess I see her point notwithstanding her delivery of that point – which may leave much to be desired.

Lol agree! This reporter is probably one big S&M queen on the inside. The takes a beating, smile and wants to make up kind.