Comments on: ST writer makes controversial remarks on domestic violence

By: singaporeeyes

singaporeeyes — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 07:40:42 +0000

Lol agree! This reporter is probably one big S&M queen on the inside. The takes a beating, smile and wants to make up kind.

By: Ganga

Ganga — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 02:16:56 +0000

Sorry for the late reply – am overseas at the moment.

To address the question by TOC on why it is misleading – many readers do not practise proceeding to the source and rely only on the excerpts to form their conclusions and opinions (for various reasons). From that perspective, the 2 excerpts would be read as a single block of text/information which I feel may overtly lead such readers to a specific conclusion.

As for Kaffein’s point, I am merely suggesting that all of us are on the same page but just using different rhetoric. I still believe that the writer was relating her experience in order to alert readers that it takes 2 hands to clap and that problems in any relationship should be borne by both parties. She didn’t bother to be politically correct but I don’t think she implied condoning violence either.

I guess I see her point notwithstanding her delivery of that point – which may leave much to be desired.

By: Jolene

Jolene — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 08:06:35 +0000

I’ve commented on this here:

http://www.glass-castle.org/issue18editorial.html

Joanne Lee’s remarks are irresponsible and her current response is wholly inadequate.

By: Ah Tiong

Ah Tiong — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 05:48:13 +0000

i like to say that i am not a fan of this writer.
she never impressed me before.
so, i don’t really care what she writes. erm, what does she do?

By: Greatness Is Within

Greatness Is Within — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 05:24:44 +0000

Give Joanne Lee a break. This is probably the most honest article written by a writer from the Stalinesque Times.

Love this gem of a line, ” I had a way with words – twisting words, to be precise.” Could this be the crucial ability required for gaining admission into the hallowed halls of the ST newsdesk?

By confronting and admitting she has this acute problem, Joanne has shown more courage than any of her propagandist workmates. I wish some of the other “sisters” in Toa Payoh will have the conscience to look themselves in the mirror and leave the doing of the Twist to Chubby Checker. That may be a little too much to ask.

Way to go, Joanne. Good for you. You need to take just 3 more steps to full and complete recovery:
1) Tender the letter
2) Drive out of the main gate of 1000 Toa Payoh North Singapore 318994
3) Throw away the rear view mirror.

You can do it. We are rooting for you.

By: Kaffein

Kaffein — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 01:49:01 +0000

Also to Ganga, she wrote:
“…he’d punch the wall and shove me around a little. (It’d usually be a one-off punch because he was inherently a decent guy who knew it was wrong to hit anyone.)”

“We were young, we had tempers and we had not the maturity to control those tempers. When he HIT me those few times, I’ll freely admit, I had a part to play in the outcome.

I didn’t misquote her, Ganga. So we are not talking about “does not actually hit his woman (this is what the reporter defines as ‘mild abuse’)”

Kaffein

By: Kaffein

Kaffein — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 01:43:36 +0000

Joanne Lee has responded here:
http://blogs.straitstimes.com/2009/3/16/getting-the-best-reply-of-all/

To answer Ganga, this is what Joanne wrote in her article. You make your own conclusion.

Joanne:
“So my humble ADVICE to anyone out there facing MILD cases of domestic/dating ABUSE is this: If you can HELP the situation by CHANGING YOURSELF, perhaps that’s something to try if you TRULY LOVE the guy.”
(caps all mine)

Here is my advice which I had given to her:
http://blogs.straitstimes.com/2009/3/16/getting-the-best-reply-of-all/comments/3162#comment-3162

Quote:
“Mild cases will often lead to more abusive ones. Many of these cases include verbal abuse and lowering of victim’s self-esteem and respect. And how long do you think a victim (mild or not) can endure before it gets overboard?

By the time, it’s usually too late because the victim has totally lost her self-esteem. It ALWAYS start off small.”

Don’t ever condone violence against women. Mild or not.

Kaffein

By: theonlinecitizen

theonlinecitizen — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 16:39:31 +0000

Ganga,

How can it be misleading when we provided two url links to her article and ask readers to read her article?

By: Ganga

Ganga — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 16:08:34 +0000

I’m sorry, but the excerpts here on TOC are a tad misleading. The reporter of this piece is talking more about her own experience and suggesting that in cases where the man can get pissed off (punching walls etc) but does not actually hit his woman (this is what the reporter defines as ‘mild abuse’), the woman ought to look at the possibility that she may be contributing to the detriment of the situation. She does not appear to be condoning any direct violence and seems to be simply advocating an equal-ownership approach to relationships.

I would urge those offended by what the excerpts here suggest to read the full article in its entirety before reaching your conclusion. It is typically ST which gives this kind of misleading information, and it certainly feels weird to have to defend their position/article in this case.

By: KGB

KGB — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 15:22:59 +0000

Ya! And grow some chest hair and a beard too while they are at it!

You people are incorrigible! When will you ever learn to accept that there are differences between sexes?

It all starts with respect. Mutual respect maintains a good relationship. Being intrusive, obnoxious or just plain difficult provokes nasty things to happen.

If women are that much against violence then maybe they should just learn to control their tongue better and shut their nagging once in a while.

And if men are smart, they will know that wasting such efforts on them is just not worth the trouble at all. Leave them to their insanity. There are always plenty of fish around in the ocean.

By: nadeshiko jAPAN

nadeshiko jAPAN — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 13:50:43 +0000

women should learn kung-fu, judo, karate, shaolin and kick men around.

By: soojenn

soojenn — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 11:27:08 +0000

How stupid or worse can journalists at the ST get? She should keep her “humble advise” to herself.

Irrespective, domestic is uncceptable. Perhaps Joanne is open to getting raped just because she dresses provocatively? as mugger @10) says. I wonder where se keeps er brains? bawa?

By: loop

loop — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 08:56:45 +0000

Just call the police. U wait for ppl to help you, you may be beaten to death by then.

By: give me hell, yea!

give me hell, yea! — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 00:15:42 +0000

i guess this woman ST writer has experiences with violent men. she must have had her belly kicked in, teeth kicked out, face flushed in the toilet bowl….so she changed and instantly her guy is as gentle as a koala bear.

By: Romeo & Juliet

Romeo & Juliet — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 13:40:11 +0000

Does Ms Lee have any nuggets of wisdom for the spouse who sprouts vulgarities, commits domestic violence and then tries to mitigate by falsely alleging spousal abuse?

Take the case of Aniza Essa (the Malay woman who tried to enlist her teenage lover to kill her husband), even the AG Woon himself admitted that the prosecution did not have enough time to reply to the defence’s mitigation.

You can imagine what kind of free-wheeling nonsense the violent spouse can claim in his/her mitigation pleas.

By: aiyoyo

aiyoyo — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 13:29:04 +0000

aiyoyo

cant understand why ST got this type of article published???

then the policeman/social workers do what/help victims huh???

aiyoyo

By: mugger

mugger — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 10:56:01 +0000

agreed with kaffein.

violent is as violent does. what next? a raped girl deserves to be raped when she wears “provocatively”???

being provoked is a two-way street. a lot of times, BOTH sides are provoked. the person who hits out so violently, can’t be an angel who has not said a provoking line at all.

By: alex

alex — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 09:42:53 +0000

this writer is asking for trouble. haha

By: Kaffein

Kaffein — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 06:02:46 +0000

Stupid is as stupid says.

It’s like saying maybe a wife should change her attitude towards sex if her husband had raped/violated her.

Sheesh,
Kaffein

By: Immunologic

Immunologic — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 05:12:05 +0000

Violence begets violence. It’s a vicious cycle, none is the wiser of the two. If their children learns to act as they have seen, then what will the society become of in the future?