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Martha Lee (Dr)
I first learnt about the ‘Facebook Bra Color Campaign’ through the blog post by sex-positive activist Carlin Ross who works alongside the legendary Betty Dodson.
The campaign, believed to be started by women in Detroit, Michigan, who are trying to raise awareness of Breast Cancer, asked women to post just their bra color and nothing else.
She had some strong words: “WTF is wrong with women? … If they had asked every woman to write a sentence about how breast cancer has affected their lives and post it on their Facebook wall it would have been amazing. Everyone has been touched by breast cancer. Collect those stories – have women share and commune with each other and start a fucking networking group or raise some money for research. Anything but post your bra color to give every guy in your friends list a hard on.”
Next, I began to see many of my Facebook female ‘friends’ jump onto the bandwagon and post their bra colors. Mind you, we are talking about highly empowered and intelligent women – some of whom are well-regarded social activists in Singapore.
I read the reactions they were getting from men and found I had to agree with Ross. They were laughing at themselves, laughed at, and laughing alongside their friends – men and women. The whole thing was one big fat joke to many.
I started to experience a sick feeling in my stomach. I posted on my Facebook status: “Martha is against the Post Your Bra Color to Support Breast Cancer campaign. Women, please don’t be stupid! Do you really think that turning yourselves into jokes help breast cancer?”, followed by “Martha wants to start ‘Name Your Underwear Colour to Help Men with Prostate Cancer’ if intelligent women can be so naive to post their bra colours.”
As a news writer for Carnal Nation, I wanted to report on this phenomenon so I did more digging. News of the campaign was literally exploding all over the Internet – it was reported by various international newspapers, discussed in numerous forums, commented by many bloggers and the like.
Some voices rang loud and clear – they were poignant and heartbreaking to read; it became evident that many of the women who have been emotionally hurt by the campaign were the very people it claimed to be trying to help. I also joined the Facebook group ‘Not Posting the Color of Your Bra’ which was urging members to make donations of time or money to cancer societies or at least to refresh their statuses with medical facts.
Once my piece for Carnal Nation was done and reposted to my own Facebook page, I began advocating for some actual good to come from the campaign: “If you wish to support breast cancer awareness or research, stop posting the color of your bra on Facebook. Make a donation to the Canadian Breast Cancer Society, or your local Cancer society, or donate your time if money is not an option.”
For the next two days, I followed the posts on ‘Not Posting the Color of Your Bra’ and found myself tearing up at various times. You see, this campaign had shaken the core of my being and offended me deeply because my mother has breast cancer. She is fighting to live.
When I was eighteen, I remember visiting my mother in the hospital after she had her breast removed. She hadn’t meant to have it removed but to have cells extracted for testing. She woke up from the operation with a missing breast because the tested cells were diagnosed to be malignant – cancerous – and doctors made the call to remove the affected breast without her explicit consent. I was told she was traumatised and had cried.
I was a late bloomer. I didn’t understand what the big deal about losing her breast was. Now I do. A woman’s breasts are a big part of how she defines her sexuality. And consequently the covering of her breasts – the bra – is a symbol of sexuality. Losing one’s breasts can definitely be more traumatic for some women than others.
Pulled aside by my father, who said I would have to take over and take care of the family if she had died, I was horrified. Did ‘take over’ mean stopping my studies, cleaning house all day, or getting a job and becoming a money-making machine?
On another visit, my mother dragged my sister and I to a breast cancer support group where a fellow breast cancer survivor gave a motivational speech about how she preferred being alive to having her two breasts. Her in-your-face approach and song-and-dance presentation of life vs. death was surreal. It was drummed into me over the years and by many well-meaning women that I need to watch my own two moulds of flesh in case they begin to rebel in any way.
My mother didn’t die. Last year, my mother found out that she has had a relapse. She has stage four breast cancer. The cancer has spread to her lungs and bones. There is no cure. A new course of chemotherapy will only delay the inevitable.
Yet my mother and I have never openly discussed breast cancer, what the disease did to her sense of self, her body image, or the effects on her sexuality. That was something we Asian people just don’t do; but posting our bra color on Facebook and laughing about breasts – we can.
A male friend commented on my Facebook page: “Hey relax Martha, I think you’re maybe taking this a bit too seriously. It’s a campaign with good intentions, and already created a lot of PR for the disease. But I dare not ask you what colour you’re wearing!”
Nobody has the right to tell me how I should be feeling. These are MY feelings. This Bra Color campaign brought to the surface what I have been pushing aside: losing her. Will she die quickly? Will it be a long, drawn-out process? Will she be in a lot of pain? This ‘well-meaning’ campaign has hurt many people including me – the time now is for a little less intention, a little more action. Where is the cure? How much did this supposed campaign raise towards the cause of breast cancer?
Let your fingers literally do the talking this time. To make a donation towards the Breast Cancer Foundation in Singapore, please visit http://www.bcf.org.sg/home/index.php.
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Read also Martha’s piece for Carnal Nation: Reveal bra colour on Facebook – save a life?
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Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sex and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sex educational workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com or email drmarthalee@eroscoaching.com.
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Headline picture from The Telegraph.
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I personally have a feeling most Singaporeans are still very coy about the subject of sex. This article may not be sexual in the literal sense, but it does carry with it sexual connotations as a womans breast is basically seen in a sexual context.
I was in Paris recently on holiday recently, there were full sized ads of topless women, the people there have no hang ups abt breast checks, to them it is just a procedure like visiting the dentist.
Things will change with the arrival of Las Vegas sands and I do hope so will some of our moribubd attitudes and hang ups over the whole idea of sex. I have every confidence many of the pains women are going through will come to end with the opening of sands, check this out, change is coming! To all the girls out there, keep the faith
http://dotseng.wordpress.com/2010/01/22/las-vegas-in-singapore-perdition-or-salvation/
Breast Cancer Foundation (Youth Wing)
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=192875462852&ref=search&sid=716353024.1379502704..1#/group.php?v=wall&gid=192875462852
Martha with all your ’second hand experience’, why have you got a photo of a very sexy lady with a lovely figure, perfect boobs and underwear that would not be at all practical to wear if you have had a mastectomy with or without reconstrustion. Far more hurtful to people touched by breast cancer than putting your bra colour on facebook. If we breast cancer sufferers want a bit of fun its up to us thank you. WTF is wrong with you putting a photo like that on.
**Moderating Editor: Dr Martha Lee is NOT the one who chose the photo. Our writers are generally not responsible for the final layout of the articles as they appear on TOC and the editors remain solely accountable for this aspect. On behalf of the editors, I would like to apologise for our tactlessness – we simply used the original photo of the facebook group in question.**
Jill, your comment assumed that I was the one who put the picture. I wrote the piece but I DID NOT choose the picture and I did not put it up for goodness sake.
I really don’t see how women posting up their bra colours and having a bit of fun, while raising awareness of the disease and showing their support to the cause, should cause distress to anyone. I think being able to see the lighter, brighter side of things is key to dealing with and surmounting the challenges life throws at you, and there are countless examples of people who have went through traumatic episodes with smiles on their faces, becoming a source of inspiration to many, including myself. Being all touchy and pissy about it, even to well-meaning people who are trying to help, isn’t in any way inspiring at all. But maybe I’m just being an MCP who apparently gets aroused from knowing the colour of the underwear of my female friends. (For the record, I don’t.)
Figures that the person who says that you’ve missed the plot is a guy! I for one, am not on Facebook (waste of time and childish), and have heard about this campaign from a friend who told me with disdain that a former colleague of ours had posted her bra colour on her status. We both agreed it was very tacky.
Actually let me correct that, I *didn’t* hear about the campaign, all I knew was that for some odd reason my former colleague was posting her bra colour to everyone she had listed on Facebook – including ex-bosses, acquaintances, etc.. do we really want to know?
I agree with you that the campaign, however well-meaning it is, misses the point. It’s so easy in this superficial, wanna-be-celebrity times to post the colour of your bra or undewear. How does that translate into wanting to talk about sex or other touchy subjects to your friends, daughters, etc.? It doesn’t.
I think that you’ve done is admirable even though people like Yee Hung are offended that you have an opposing opinion on the matter. After all you have made a point to direct people to where they can make a meaningful impact to support the breast cancer foundation.
To me, that’s more important than knowing what is the colour of your bra.
posting your bra colour is like adding salt to wound of the suffers. Remember that most of them got their breast removed. A bra simply reminds them of their lost. There are much more ways to create awareness than coming up with stupid insensitive albeit good-intent campaign.
to june, a few points for you:
1. I honestly do not understand why sexist issues are involved in this debate at all. The campaign was started by women and only taken part in by women. So why bash men by saying they’ll all get hard-ons, should have a corresponding underwear campaign, and don’t get it when they try to provide a counterpoint?
2. Ironically, I am offended by the assumption that I am offended by people simply because they have opposing opinions to me. On the contrary, I enjoy their company because there is so much to learn from other perspectives. However, I don’t enjoy discussions where objectivity is thrown out the window and arguments are based on assumptions, subjective substantiations, and ad hominem attacks on other people, all three of which you have employed.
3. Just a point of information: Facebook is used by many of the world’s leaders in a variety of fields: politicians, celebrities, sports stars, and so on. It speaks volumes that you dismiss it as childish and a waste of time, without acknowledging the vast potential for social networking, communication, and information dissemination that Facebook enables. There is also the fun element as well, though that may be the childish waste of time that you are talking about.
4. I agree that there are other ways to raise funds or awareness for breast cancer. But that doesn’t mean I have to tell the organisers that their way is wrong and other ways are better. For one, I think their creativity has allowed their campaign to achieve an awareness unmatched by other campaigns (these people are from the USA!) Secondly, the recommendations made so far are, in my opinion, even less effective because they ignore every single thing in the marketing book. Simply putting a link and asking people to click on it is not much of a campaign in my opinion. Remember, it is only thanks to the hype generated by the much-maligned bra colour campaign that Dr Lee is getting any attention.
to bah,
Point taken. However, it is a matter of how you take it: as a breast cancer sufferer, will you see everything remotely related to breasts as being offensive, simply because they remind you of your loss? Secondly, remember that the campaign is not just addressing sufferers, but to non-sufferers as well, to raise awareness of the condition and encourage regular check-ups.
I am one of the people who decided not to post the colour of my bra, I was told that all the girls were doing it to bug the guys and there was no mention of breast cancer awareness. I think there could have been a better way to raise awareness in my opinion.
I have had breast cancer – twice. The second time I had a double mastectomy. I took part in the “name your color” fun. I was happy that I have a bra to list. Get over it. There are far more important things in this world over which to concern yourselves. If you are really that upset, then be active and contribute your time and money to helping a cause and the people who are actually effected.
I am a full-blooded male, not ashamed to admit that women talking about their bra colour would turn me on (or off, it depends!), and I would not take the breast cancer message seriously. I would like to thank Dr Lee for her touching and frank article. And I think Yee Hung is just being a prick.
Of course there are people who can overcome their adversity and look at the lighter side of things. Good for them. However, this should not be a requirement forced on victims! Yee Hung should go to Haiti and tell the people, hey, why don’t you just lighten up when others can?
Yee Hung’s second post just confirms how prone he is to crooked logic. Just because the campaign was started by women does not mean it cannot be sexist. Women can be unfair to women and be guilty of sexism, as much as blacks (or any other race) can be prejudicial against their own kind and be guilty of racism.
As for Facebook, just take a look at typical activities and you have to agree that most of it is frivolous. Now, I’m not a technophobe; in fact, I’m a techie and I use Facebook a bit. I don’t know if it is inherent in the design or just somehow developed as part of its culture, but Facebook to me is unbalanced. People just want to do inane things that pass for fun, like sending each other virtual pets or posting the colour of their underwear. Nobody wants to hear of any seriousness or real sorrow. If this is human networking, it is a very shallow representation of what we are.
Finally, the fact that a lot of women are posting about their bra colour does not mean this is a successful campaign to spread breast cancer awareness; it just means it is a successful campaign to get women to post about their bra colour. It trivializes the entire issue. If it results in negative publicity (*breast* cancer! snicker, nudge, nudge, wink, wink), how does it help? How would a breast cancer victim, a masectomy patient, feel when reading such posts or when invited to participate? What proportion of actual breast cancer victims would support such a campaign?
This article annoyed me. Sorry to say it but it really did. My mother succumed to the ugly cancer a couple of years ago so the subject of breast cancer hits very close to home.
If anyone had really bothered to figure this out the posting was simple and to support AWARENESS for women. Each and every time I posted my own colour or read one of the myriad of colours my gf’s posted I thought of ONE THING. That was the purpose for us… Each time we were reminded to do a SELF EXAM THAT DAY. Where is the problem with that?
As for this ridiculous business of these colours setting males raging hormones to work causing uncontrollable erections now THAT makes me sick. Males think of sex a ridiculous number of times a day and I’m sure that reading “white” or “beige” is not the biggest temptation for these over-sexed creatures in the day and if so perhaps they should try leaving the house.
Perhaps the women who responded with tears were really crying because they wish that they or their loved ones had such a campaign to attempt to catch the cancer earlier … So many women die simply because they don’t take the time to check their own bodies for the evil monster – or perhaps they were unaware of what/how to do so.
Personally while my gfs and I enjoyed our private chuckle and responded to each other with winks or PMs about our lingere choices and enjoyed the silly guesses and questions of the men in our lives and their frustration to figure us out… It allowed a perfect forum for my daughters (13, 14 & 20) to talk with me and their girlfriends about self exams. A lot of the girls had no idea what to do, why to do it, or what to look for.
So – in closing, while I can appreciate the sensitivity of the subject to cancer survivors and their families… Just think- if this “insensitive mockery” caused even one woman to do a breast exam and upon finding something questionable, seek early treatment …was it not worthy of being categorized as ’support’?
I think saving someones life would qualify.
Thank you for your forum and God bless.
Regards,
Andrea (white) ;)
Well done, Martha. And thank you for the insight and comment. I just went out of my way (cos I hate online payments) and made a donation to TOC on account of your article. Smiles, dana.
Hi Dana… Thank you for the donation. We appreciate it indeed..
Martha rocks! ;)
Andrew
Thanks a lot Dana. I really appreciate it!