Connect with us

Current Affairs

Tough love

Published

on

267070__bleeding_roses__8.jpgBy Jonk

Tuesday, 28 November, 2006

In light of the recent Home Special in the Straits Times some time back, ‘When Love Hurts’, the documentary of domestic abuse cases from the points of view of the victims, the guilty parties and wise by-standers gave all readers a detailed yet disturbing magnifying-glass look into the secret sins of countless families in Singapore.

The bold projection of these skeletons-in-closet type of stories on the front cover, and half a newspaper section, made me wonder inside how many other 17 year old teenagers were reading this and knowingly recollecting stormy pasts of their own families.

As a child, whenever my parents fought, I used to think everybody else had this wonderfully utopic life and peaceful parents, that I was the only one stuck in a highly disagreeable family. But as I progressed in age and wisdom, the willingness to draw the line between acceptable and unacceptable domestic behaviour also increased and I realized my home problems could be seen as mild when compared to other much more violent home situations, as revealed very recently with the rising number of domestic murders and spousal/child abuse in the heartlands of Singapore.

The broken hearts of my peers

People my age are more open about their families and the grievances they cause us teenagers. Knowing full well that we also have our fair share of contribution to the head and heart aches of our parents and siblings, I’ve heard many stories from the broken hearts of my peers about how they truly feel towards the trouble brewing in their homes, how they wish everything would just be happy and family would be..family, not strangers.

I’ve got a famous friend in a top local school who’s well known for her outrageous partying ways and flirtatious behaviour. Her drinking, smoking and promiscuous behaviour had long since earned her a very bad reputation within the few months of being in the college. As a friend I’ve never really been inclined to despising her the way everybody else does, but instead offered a listening ear whenever she was depressed and completely at a loss of what she was doing with her life.

People hate her for being beautiful, rich and smart (she’s gifted). But what they fail to pity her for, is her broken family background (her parents divorced when she was 3), the lack of love she receives from her father (who has long remarried and has 3 other children, plus a beautiful wife) and loving support of close friends (whom I’m sad to announce she does not have, what with the bad rep).

As she’s in a different college from me, our level of contact is very low and I admit I don’t have much patience to be her counsellor 24/7. Every once in a while I observe and hear about how she’s getting worse in her behaviour through the gossip channel of our alumni, catch up with her and act interested over her latest navel piercing or pseudo-relationship, then pick up the phone and complain about how gone case she is to a mutual friend or two.

Domestic issues affect teenagers

What I’m trying to point out here, is that domestic issues really do affect teenagers and the way they turn out later in life.

My famous college friend once confided in me tearily, that she used to think it was all her fault her parents divorced, and she wishes that perhaps maybe if her father had loved her more, he would have stuck around for her. The fact that that didn’t happen, I concluded intelligently, was what drove her to develop such promiscuous behaviour, dying for the attentions of every other attractive male and just about agreeing to do anything for and with them. This is a heartwrenching but common truth for many young people out there who rise from broken homes.

To think that the effect parents have on their children is longlived. It scares me to think that if I marry, all my beliefs in family peace might just fall apart and I’d find myself stuck in a vicious cycle of disputes and common quarrels.

Where does love come in? Or rather, where does love go?

I still find it difficult to comprehend how two loving people get married lavishly in a fairytale wedding, have a few kids and live the rest of their lives in a deadpan urban pre-mixture of parental woes, financial burdens and spousal annoyance. If domestic storms are so common, where on earth did the concept of a happy marriage materialize?

What is a “happy marriage”?

I recently did a GP essay on ‘what contributes to a happy marriage in today’s society’, and realized half way through the essay that I couldn’t really term marriage today as particularly happy, judging from the more popular divorce and increasingly popular alternative of abuse. When I read about celebrities declaring love for their fifth spouse of the year, and how it’s oh so going to ‘last forever’, I’m not sure whether to laugh or to cry.

I guess family may be the basic building block of society, but it’s also the most difficult to maintain. If you can’t get through the laying down of the foundations, there’s no point looking towards a brighter future in the promising blue skies of tomorrow. We’ve all got to keep being the glue, even as we grow our wings and want to fly away for ourselves.

Our parents, our siblings, our whole families need us, no matter how much they sometimes act otherwise.

And maybe, just maybe, if we make it through this tough round as the kids, we’ll have an easier time as strong, experienced parents another day.

——————–
About the author:
Jonk is a JC arts faculty student who describes herself as “incredibly aunty-philosophical when it comes to deciphering the little neurotics of teenage life.”

Continue Reading
Click to comment
Subscribe
Notify of
0 Comments
Newest
Oldest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

Current Affairs

Ng Eng Hen: Dust clouds likely caused armoured vehicle collision during Exercise Wallaby

Dust clouds limiting visibility likely contributed to the collision between two Hunter vehicles during Exercise Wallaby, Defence Minister Ng Eng Hen explained in his parliamentary reply. 12 servicemen sustained mild injuries, but safety measures prevented more serious outcomes. A formal investigation is ongoing to ensure further safety improvements.

Published

on

SINGAPORE: Low visibility caused by dust clouds was identified as the likely cause of the collision between two Hunter armoured fighting vehicles (AFVs) during Exercise Wallaby last month, Defence Minister Ng Eng Hen said in a written parliamentary response on Tuesday (15 October).

The incident, which occurred in Queensland, Australia, on 24 September 2024, resulted in mild injuries to 12 servicemen.

Dr Ng’s statement was in response to a parliamentary question from Mr Dennis Tan, Workers’ Party Member of Parliament for Hougang SMC.

Mr Tan asked for details on the accident, specifically its cause and whether any lessons could be applied to enhance training and operational safety within the Singapore Armed Forces (SAF).

The collision took place during a night-time movement of Hunter AFVs at the Shoalwater Bay Training Area.

The vehicles were returning to base when one rear-ended another. Dr Ng explained that the dust clouds generated by the AFVs’ movement significantly impaired visibility, might likely contributing to the accident.

The 12 affected servicemen sustained mild injuries and were promptly taken to the nearest medical facility.

None of the injuries required hospitalisation, and all 12 servicemen were able to rejoin their units for training the next day.

According to the minister, adherence to safety protocols—such as wearing seat belts and protective gear—played a crucial role in limiting the injuries to mild ones.

Following the incident, a safety pause was immediately implemented, with all drivers being reminded to maintain proper safety distances, especially when visibility was compromised.

Troops were also reminded to adhere strictly to safety protocols, including the proper use of safety equipment, Dr Ng added.

The safety lessons from the incident were shared not only with the affected units but also with other participating groups in the exercise, as well as units back in Singapore, through dedicated safety briefings.

Mr Tan also asked about the broader implications of the incident. In his response, Dr Ng said that a formal investigation had been launched in accordance with SAF’s safety incident protocol.

The investigation aims to assess the circumstances more thoroughly and identify any further measures that could be taken to enhance safety.

Dr Ng shared that recommendations arising from the investigation will be implemented where necessary.

Exercise Wallaby is SAF’s largest unilateral overseas exercise, and the 2024 edition began on 8 September, running until 3 November.

The exercise involves approximately 6,200 personnel, including 500 operationally ready national servicemen.

The exercise has been conducted at Shoalwater Bay Training Area in Queensland since 1990, and it is a key part of SAF’s overseas training program.

The Hunter AFV, one of the vehicles involved in the collision, is a state-of-the-art platform jointly developed by the Defence Science and Technology Agency, the Singapore Army, and ST Engineering.

It replaced the SAF’s aging fleet of Ultra M113 AFVs in 2019, which had been in service since the 1970s. The Hunter is equipped with advanced features, including a 30mm cannon, a 76mm smoke grenade launcher, and an automatic target detection and

tracking system designed to enhance operational effectiveness. It is also capable of traveling at increased speeds and covering longer distances, making it a versatile asset for the SAF.

Continue Reading

Current Affairs

Government to “carefully consider” Lee Hsien Yang’s demolition application for 38 Oxley Road

The Singapore Government will “carefully consider” Mr Lee Hsien Yang (LHY)’s application to demolish the house at 38 Oxley Road. LHY announced his intent on Tuesday morning following the recent death of his sister, Dr Lee Wei Ling, reaffirming his commitment to honour his parents’ wish for the house’s demolition.

Published

on

The Singapore Government has indicated that it will “carefully consider” Mr Lee Hsien Yang’s (LHY) application to demolish the family home at 38 Oxley Road.

LHY, the youngest son of Singapore’s founding Prime Minister, the late Lee Kuan Yew (LKY), announced his intention to apply for the demolition in a Facebook post on 15 October 2024, following the death of his sister, Dr Lee Wei Ling, on 9 October.

The announcement marks a significant development in the ongoing saga over the fate of the historically significant property, which has been at the heart of a family dispute since LKY’s passing in 2015.

In his will, executed in December 2013, LKY expressed his desire for the house to be demolished “immediately after” Dr Lee moved out of the property. Dr Lee, a prominent neurologist, had been the last remaining resident of the house.

LHY reaffirmed his commitment to carrying out his father’s wishes, stating, “After my sister’s passing, I am the only living executor of my father’s estate. It is my duty to carry out his wishes to the fullest extent of the law.”

He added that he would seek to build a small private dwelling on the site, which would be “held within the family in perpetuity”.

LHY also referenced his brother, Senior Minister Lee Hsien Loong’s (LHL) remarks in Parliament in 2015, when he was Prime Minister, stating that upon Dr Lee’s passing, the decision to demolish the house would rest with the “Government of the day.”

In response to media queries regarding LHY’s announcement, a spokesperson for the Ministry of National Development (MND) acknowledged the intended application and emphasised that the Government would “carefully consider issues related to the property in due course”.

The spokesperson also highlighted that any decision would need to balance LKY’s wishes, public interest, and the historical value of the house.

The house at 38 Oxley Road, where key decisions about Singapore’s path to independence were made, has been a focal point of public and political discussion.

The future of the house became contentious in 2017 when LHY and Dr Lee publicly accused their elder brother, LHL, of trying to preserve the house against their father’s wishes for political reasons.

LHL denied the accusations, issuing a Ministerial Statement in Parliament, where he also raised concerns over the preparation of their father’s final will. He clarified that he had recused himself from all decisions regarding the property and affirmed that any government action would be impartial.

In 2018, a “secret” ministerial committee, which was formed in 2016 to study the future of 38 Oxley Road, proposed three options: preserving the property and designating it as a national monument, partially demolishing the house while retaining the historically significant basement dining room, or allowing complete demolition for redevelopment. LHL accepted the committee’s conclusions but stated that no immediate decision was necessary, as Dr Lee was still living in the house.

In a statement conveyed by LHY on behalf of Dr Lee after her passing, she reiterated her strong support for her father’s wish to demolish the house. “My father, Lee Kuan Yew, and my mother, Kwa Geok Choo, had an unwavering and deeply felt wish for their house at 38 Oxley Road to be demolished upon the last parent’s death,” the statement read.

She added, “He had also appealed directly to the people of Singapore. Please honour my father by honouring his wish for his home to be demolished.”

Despite selling the house to LHY at market value in 2015, LHL’s stance regarding the house’s preservation became a public issue, especially after the family disclosed that the Government had raised concerns about reinstating the demolition clause in the 2013 will. The ministerial committee had reviewed the matter, but a final decision was deferred until now.

The fate of 38 Oxley Road remains to be seen, but the Government’s decision will likely have lasting implications for the legacy of the Lee family and the conservation of Singapore’s historical landmarks.

Continue Reading

Trending